If you tend to be offended easily or happen to be under the age of 18, leave now. If you are offended by my words or the content of my page then I suggest that you simply do not read it and find someone else's world to peek into. Have a nice day!!
"No brake should be applied to passion ; when the appetites speak, they must be heard."
Marquis DeSade
littlewicked March 13th 1967 (Age 45) Female Nebraska
I am a 43 year old female, of average appearance I believe. I have a pretty open mind about most things and try to do my best to constantly further my knowledge about everything I can, including myself.
I find myself alone at this point in my life raising a son by myself, but believe it is better this way for him and when he is 18, my life will begin again. I do date rarely but my romantic life does not cross with my son's life, which means my boy will never meet the "boyfriends on parade" when they come about.
I prefer the kink side when it comes to my romantic life, I do not enjoy vanilla life as it were. I was married for 11 years, it did not end nicely but needed to end. Now I have learned to adore life in the simplest ways. I love the tactile sensations involved in kink, the discussion of options and knowing I have pleased the One I wish to be with.
I have had a few men in my life but only 2 really ring true in my heart. One was my first true love but lost track of later in life. The other I still speak to once in awhile and still find Him to be the most erotic and delicious Man I have ever met. Physically we were not together long, but in that time I learned more about myself that I ever had in life and I owe that all to Him. I learned that beauty is not in our eyes as women when we look upon ourselves in a mirror, it is reflected in the eyes of those who look upon us and express their pleasure. He probably does not even know I hold Him in such high regard but that is okay as He has His own life now. I can honestly thank Him for realizing what true love really is.
I hope to find more to do in my life and enjoy many normal things like riding on the back of a Harley wrapped around the strong back of a man clad in leather, going on a nice weekend Poker Run, the wind rushing thru my hair, playing a good game of pool or darts with a few good friends, and hitting the river boating in the heat with a few beers and buddies. I guess I am more of a tomboy, but do like to dress up once in awhile if given the chance. I have been called a strong woman before, but if truth be told i prefer to sit at the feet of a Dominant Man, to me there is no better place in the world. To feel his fingers in my hair as i lay my head on his thigh, it makes my world perfect.
All in all, I think I try to better myself at any chance, and further my knowledge on myself and life. I am more spiritual than religious and try to help others when I can. I figure if I can do well in this life and leave a good memory in others hearts I have done okay.
The true woman hidden deep inside of me that i allow so few see
"... remember Machiavelli, according to whom it were better to be impetuous than circumspect, because Nature is a woman to be mastered only by Him who goes to her whip in hand."
~ Marquis De Sade~
This is the woman that protects the submissive one within against society's judgement
"Lust's passion will be served ; it demands, it militates, it tyrranizes, it must therefore be appeased, and to its satisfaction all other conditions are totally irrelevant."
~Marquis De Sade~
"Certain souls seem hard because they are capable of strong feelings, and they sometimes go to rather extreme lengths; their apparent unconcern and cruelty are but ways, known only to themselves, of feeling more strongly than others."
~MDS~
"I have supported my deviations with reasons; I did not stop at mere doubt; I have vanquished, I have uprooted, I have destroyed everything in my heart that might have interfered with my pleasure."
~MDS~
My Dearest Blog, I do apologize for leaving yo to collect dust as I was desperately trying to crawl out of one of the darkest holes I have ever encountered. I had always been able to hold fast to a hope of a promise made to me years back. It was from someone whom I had called a friend among other things. We had made an agreement that once my child was grown there would have been a place at his side and by his feet for me once I was done playing "Mother". My child is now in college and that promise was basically cast aside as he has settled for someone he found by the wayside. I hold no malice nor anger as I will always know how well we fit together, how our first kiss seemed as if we had known each other for ages, not to mention how well we fit together like puzzle pieces. I am aware I challenged Him... I do not think he would have enjoyed it any other way. I am a bit of a S.A.M. and he was quite the Sadist so we fit almost perfectly, but alas no more. Even though he had resumed simply talking with me as a friend and parent, helping me with advice and the like his new one was aggravated and demanded he stop the conversation. So, I guess I was sacrificed and forgotten so she could be happy. So sad as I had never thought he would be one to hand his whip to another to keep in her purse, but alas I cannot make other peoples choices for them. To some, promises are simply nicely spoken words and only that. I apparently should have done the same. Now I sit quietly in the dark awaiting one who can both teach and tolerate, someone who can embrace me and enjoy me as I may be able to do the same. Such a fool was I to think a Mans' word meant anything, or that honor is anything to anyone anymore. Silly me, silly silly girl. I guess now I am back to trying to find someone who can handle all of what I am, and be able to teach me to be more than just myself in the process. Please accept my apology my poor ignored Blog. I shall promise to try and fulfill each and every promise I make to thee and I shall not make a single empty promise or speak shallow words, I will simply be myself and pray that is enough.
Well, I am still here after all this time. Oddly enough I am once again trying to write another story. its frustrating that when my computer crashed it took about 30 poems and stories with it, not to mention many ideas, quotes, etc. that I was not smart enough to back up. Now I sit at times staring at a black screen, or a blank word document as if staring at it will make something come alive and maybe write itself. Wouldn't that be nice? Well here's to hope, and pushing my limits as to trying to kill this stupid writers block. I had wanted to possible write another about a time between myself and an ex but lately, His world has gotten difficult with his girl. Jealousy is a nasty thing, so now I have sort of lost the one and only Mentor I had had in awhile. Someone who understood me. he is in a dedicated relationship and I respected that, I had no want to destroy that or add any bumps in the road to Him and His, however the other half thought differently and raised cane sending me a nasty letter. The stupid letter I had written was about my son, from one parent to another. Well parent and friend. At least I thought we were friends, silly me huh? How can I be a friends if I am so easily thrown away in a dark period of my life? I was looking for advice, and yes the past was discussed but it was just that, the past. Once again, jealousy is an annoying thing and something I do not deal with at all but others may have to and I am sorry for them. It seems she means to strip Him of His previous friends but in the same sentance He allowed it to be so the only one screwed here is me. Suxs having no one to truly open up with now. Sorta suxs to be me lately, but on the good side? These moods of mine have produced some of my best writings so we shall see.....
Well here I am again, my son is finally old enough to be looking at colleges and I am at that point where I need to blow off some steam. Now for me to blow off steam, I need to have willing flesh, a wanton personality akin to my own, one who does not mind riding the edge of pain and pleasure knowing the two are so closely related that if they are good at it, well it can make a girl cream her jeans simply at the thought of a touch. So many tell me they are like me only to find out they become somewhat of what I call a "fish-fuck". The act like they are into my sort of world only to lay themselves back on the bed looking at me with that stupid "do-me" look on their face. They think going down on a girl is something amazing (don't get me wrong it can be IF they understand it isn't about slathering spit all over, it's not about the boat, it all about the little man in the boat!!!! Boys remember that!!!!) I honestly have only come across two men in my life that knew how to get a girl to shudder and shake and not remember their own name, gawd I miss them. I enjoy the type that can look at a woman's body and understand that life does not always play fair in the sense that when we age and have children everything is many times no longer perfect like the porno books or movies. Sometimes we have stretch marks from childbirth, or bad c-section scars or any of the other lovely things life can do to their bodies. Gravity is such a nasty son of a bitch if we tend to be chesty like myself, not that they are like empty socks yet but the twins or DD's are not as perky as much anymore. These are things all REAL women have to deal with on an every day basis. I find it funny that so many men I have met still think of themselves as how they were in their early 20's and hot when they may have a bit of a belly (which btw I find adorable, it show they can enjoy food and life to me!) or may have gone a bit bald. See to me and many women we see the men as they are, as a whole. We don't really care if you don't look like a 20 yr old, I myself don't want a 20 yr old when I have to teach them everything or constantly have to say "no to the left, to the left , I said the left!" then finally grab their ears and physically move them. I want a seasoned man who knows how to enjoy a woman's body, one who can be confident enough in himself and secure enough to play certain games with me, let me lick places that maybe have never had any attention placed on them before. I want a man who is comfortable naked, and who even when I may walk to the bathroom naked dose'nt make me feel insecure about my own body. I had one boyfriend/toy that even licked my stretch marks low on the bottom of my abdomen telling me they were sexy to him, he considered them battle scars to giving a new life, childbirth. That made me tie him to the bed and ravish him so completely he shook and screamed my name as we both came together for about the third time. THAT is what fun is all about, that no matter how your body has aged the same person is still inside with the same, as in my case, twisted mind wanting to see how many different ways we can bend to accomodate our partners or how many different ways we can make you shiver, shudder and sweat.
The hungers are still just as strong if not stronger in me lately. I mean if I could find one out of my "stable" as it were I truly wanted to keep, one who could keep up with me sexually and was open to switching who had the reins that night, and could handle being spoiled because I adore taking care of a man sexually and even the simple things in life from cooking for them to packing their lunches for work and hiding nasty notes or pictures in there. That is all just icing on the cake for me. You would think this would not be such a tall order to fill but apparently I am a difficult person since as I have been told, I want sex all the time. Well oh damn, how sad for them. I mean how horrible that you would have a girlfriend that wanted to drive to your work at lunch simply to give you a blowjob in the truck and go home, how difficult it must be to have someone who loves oral so much that they would jump into your shower just to taste that delicious honey then wash your flesh from head to toe, fingers sliding here and there in the slick soap, paying such attention to every little part of your body, then getting out first so as to have your robe and a towel ready for you when you get out. I know I am such a pain in the ass. Now I guess I will just continue to hope and pray that there is someone out there that is like me, that loves bikes and riding even though it beats the shit outta me now. I need one that loves camping in the nice cool fall weather, bonfires and who understands money is just for paying bills and not what life is all about. Its great to have extra but the world wont end if you don't have millions. The simple things in life are what I want, the love of a good man, being taken out once in a while just to allow me to dress to the nines once every month maybe and allow me to be a "girl" adn wear the garters and stilletoes. I need a man who can handle the good with the bad in life and who understands that you just can't brood over the bad you need to work together to find solutions to fix the problems that arise in everyones lives. I really wonder if I will ever find him. Nicely tattoed, nice worn leathers, a sweet bike for the warmer months (I enjoy evey sort of breed from Indians to BSA's, Cubs, Triumphs, Harleys...etc) . I just want someone who enjoys life, who can enjoy a beer infront of a bonfire bundled up camping just as well as a good German white wine at a nice resturaunt...are you out there????? I am really not that different in tastes, although I do tend to act on my impulses and fantasies. I enjoy making fantasies come true, is that so bad?
Hello again lonely webpage, I would say people but wonder sometimes if anyone even knows this is here out in the world wide web. My delicious compilation of my own twisted and distorted imageries and thoughts all from a simple little mind. Simple, boring me. Well maybe not boring, I have a tendancy to fight that part of myself, even if it means dancing around my home naked just to make sure I don't get lost in another book and the day slips away from me as it can quite often.
I feel as if I need to apologize to my sad little pages here, I kept promising to update my index so it was possible to click on the links and not have to go thru the "next" at the bottom of the page. I spent about three days running thru that silly link to copy all my other links to each individual pieces here since it has grown so much thru the years of my babbeling. I made sure they were in chonological order, had all my titles so nice and neatly written so all I had to do was pull up that folder the next day to finish it. The following day my computer crashed on me and I lost everything, all my writings because I am a dork and mentally refuse to back up my writings on disc for some silly reason, but also lost many of the images I had collected to reflect my words feelings, I even lost three stories I had written thru these last two years. My stories I go over a zillion times until I seem to think they are ready to put to the scrutiny of others so they never made it here. I had folders of quotations, copies of Marquis De Sade stories, twisted thoughts that may have been something in the making but all of it is no longer. It took a week of trying to salvage anything to admit to myself it was all gone. Then another three days of working on it and walking away trying to bring the system up to par and re-load all the systems I had running on my computer. Now that is finally all done, and my collection is back to nothing except what I have already written sitting here in the silence and probabaly unread most of the time except by me... Wow that is my whole world in a nutshell, a million things going on in the backround, in my mind and world, and no one truly knows the real me except for a few select friends who understand how deliciously bent I truly am. Oh well.....
Once again I am going to promise this page to get something done in the next week or so, if not an update, then at least find another piece in my notebooks I haven't put up here yet or maybe even try to write another story. Since all of my work comes from my experiences and a bit of my thoughts, and lately I am relying on only thoughts since once again my patience from trying to filter out the garbage lies people tell just to get a look inside the head of the freak is boring me again, it is almost less painful to not try to start again in another relationship. I haven't even had the urge to find just a simple play partner lately, but we all know that is never simple since so much of it involves trust to such a high degree. Once in awhile I wonder how much easier my life would be if my tastes in sex and fun were just boring and stark white and whatever "normal" stands for now....nah I like me like I am.......
Another song that touches my soul....a little too much
I can honestly say I would have never seen myself putting this particular artist on my webpage, until I saw this video. These are words I have said ever since I was at least 20 everytime I dated someone and they tried to change me into what they wished me to be, instead of liking me as I am faults and all.
To all that acutally read this page I apologize and promise to you that I have not completely abandoned this page. Nothing is worse than trying to finish one of at least three stories that have seemed to have hit a halfway mark then I blanked... When my world goes dark, it seems my muse deserts me something fierce. I will do my best to finish something in the next few weeks and will not quit no matter how bad the blank mind drives me crazy. Until then I leave you with a quote from of course my favorite Author of all time, The Marquis..
"All men are born isolated, envious, cruel, and despotic ; wishing to have everything and surrender nothing. . . ." ~MDS~
I plan on tempting fate and trying to change that one a bit....good luck to me, huh???LOL
I know I haven't posted much on this in quite sometime but I have been doing a zillion other things and never seem to get many of them finished. I do apologize if anyone ever really reads this....so pardon ahead of time since this is gonna simply be a rant I need to get out.
What would you do if you had a bf when you were younger and he was a bonafide abuser. I am not talking about a nice slap here and there... No! I am talking about pinning you to the ground and punching you so many times you lost count, throwing you off a second floor balcony when you were stupid trying to escape any more abuse, threw you out of your own van going 35 mph, or my favorite....tried to put a fliet knife in my forehead and when I put my hand up to block it it ran down my hand and wrist. It had gone in at my knuckles and slid down the bone coming out right past my wrist after doing way too much damage. No I am not making this up, this is why I always joke I have bad taste in men. I do.
I have sort of followed him for years as much as possible since he tends to show up here in my state of NE when he lives in Fla. More than once he had said he would kill me if he ever got the chance. I finally left him when I left the state for good, left everything I owned just to be free of him when he stabbed me. I dropped the charges so I could leave the state but the state took them back up as "Assualt with a deadly weapon and Attempted Murder."
I had a dream the other nite and when I have those I go looking for him on the web. Well I found out today, after over 15 years that he was never charged, he got out of the whole thing. All this time I figured he would at least of had to serve some pennance for the stabbing but no. Now he is married and I truly feel sorry for the poor girl who married him because I know what he is and someone like that never changes their spots. The only other thing I can hope for now is kharma, Everyone has to answer for what they do for life in the end. I hope he truly has to pay some sort of pennance for all those women he has abused. Wouldn't you???
This is just a short side note that although I am technically a dumb blonde I am aware my Index links are not up to speed with all of the items as of yet, so they are here still, just follow the lovely "next" link at the bottom of the page until I get these updated. Thanks for understanding, and if ya don't? Then open your mouth and tell me so, someone should be using these damned comment links....sheeeeeshhhhh....
