If you tend to be offended easily or happen to be under the age of 18, leave now. If you are offended by my words or the content of my page then I suggest that you simply do not read it and find someone else's world to peek into. Have a nice day!!
"No brake should be applied to passion ; when the appetites speak, they must be heard."
Marquis DeSade
littlewicked March 13th 1967 (Age 42) Female Nebraska
I am a 41 year old female, of average appearance I believe. I have a pretty open mind about most things and try to do my best to constantly further my knowledge about everything I can, including myself.
I find myself alone at this point in my life raising a son by myself, but believe it is better this way for him and when he is 18, my life will begin again. I do date rarely but my romantic life does not cross with my son's life, which means my boy will never meet the "boyfriends on parade" when they come about.
I prefer the kink side when it comes to my romantic life, I do not enjoy vanilla life as it were. I was married for 11 years, it did not end nicely but needed to end. Now I have learned to adore life in the simplest ways. I love the tactile sensations involved in kink, the discussion of options and knowing I have pleased the One I wish to be with.
I have had a few men in my life but only 2 really ring true in my heart. One was my first true love but lost track of later in life. The other I still speak to once in awhile and still find Him to be the most erotic and delicious Man I have ever met. Physically we were not together long, but in that time I learned more about myself that I ever had in life and I owe that all to Him. I learned that beauty is not in our eyes as women when we look upon ourselves in a mirror, it is reflected in the eyes of those who look upon us and express their pleasure. He probably does not even know I hold Him in such high regard but that is okay as He has His own life now. I can honestly thank Him for realizing what true love really is.
I hope to find more to do in my life and enjoy many normal things like riding on the back of a Harley wrapped around the strong back of a man clad in leather, going on a nice weekend Poker Run, the wind rushing thru my hair, playing a good game of pool or darts with a few good friends, and hitting the river boating in the heat with a few beers and buddies. I guess I am more of a tomboy, but do like to dress up once in awhile if given the chance. I have been called a strong woman before, but if truth be told i prefer to sit at the feet of a Dominant Man, to me there is no better place in the world. To feel his fingers in my hair as i lay my head on his thigh, it makes my world perfect.
All in all, I think I try to better myself at any chance, and further my knowledge on myself and life. I am more spiritual than religious and try to help others when I can. I figure if I can do well in this life and leave a good memory in others hearts I have done okay.
The true woman hidden deep inside of me that i allow so few see
"... remember Machiavelli, according to whom it were better to be impetuous than circumspect, because Nature is a woman to be mastered only by Him who goes to her whip in hand."
~ Marquis De Sade~
This is the woman that protects the submissive one within against society's judgement
"Lust's passion will be served ; it demands, it militates, it tyrranizes, it must therefore be appeased, and to its satisfaction all other conditions are totally irrelevant."
~Marquis De Sade~
"Certain souls seem hard because they are capable of strong feelings, and they sometimes go to rather extreme lengths; their apparent unconcern and cruelty are but ways, known only to themselves, of feeling more strongly than others."
~MDS~
"I have supported my deviations with reasons; I did not stop at mere doubt; I have vanquished, I have uprooted, I have destroyed everything in my heart that might have interfered with my pleasure."
~MDS~
Hello again. I feel silly saying even that and wonder if anyone even reads these words besides me but here goes. Do you ever sit back and wonder how exactly you got to where you are right now in life? I know this sounds odd, but today I visited a friend I used to live with when I was in my twenties. We all used to do alot of dope and I somehow got lucky and "finished" my stupidity walking away from it and doing my own thing. He on the other hand continued. He is much older than I by at least 10 years but has always been a good friend. After his third stroke I had to walk away, I could not sit there and watch him kill himself. That was about 6 years ago. I found his poetry on the web one day a few weeks ago and went looking for him, it was like a sign that told me it had been too long since I had been home.
ANYway, since he chose the path to continue on abusing himself, he has managed to give himself seven strokes...yes I said 7 and the last one was only a year ago. His words are difficult for him now but deep inside I can still see the same man there that used to go on bike runs with all of us. It is like he is trapped within but for some reason people are afraid of that. He has a limited vocabulary now because of it, along with a limp from one useless leg. For some reason after all these years I can still understand him, even though half his words are gone and he cannot find them. Since his partying drove him into disaray, he stays home alone alot and he asked me to take him to the bar today and I did. He seemed so sad but brightened up when we walked out the door. When we left he wanted to walk thru the danged snow even though it was like 12 inches deep at the end of his driveway, he was like a little kid. We just got dumped on good yesterday so it is hard to drive about but he didn't care.
Taking him to the bar he met so many people he knew that wished him well and we had a few beers...well I had maybe 3 draws over about 3hrs, and he had about 7 shots of Turkey (blech!!!). He seemed to have alot of friends but none seem to visit him at home. It seems that since his stroke people have backed away from him. All the biker folk that used to come by for help on their bikes, or those who were patrons to his art or poetry, and even those who bought his music... when I lived there the house was always flooded with poeple. He is a master with any sort of old school chopper so there were always tons of bikes everywhere. I used to get so disgusted with no privacy I would barricade myself downstairs for hours drawing. There were quite a few huge tat parties where the street was full up and down with bikes. Clubs would come from miles around to be at one of Cuz' parties, now his home is pure silence. It is so depressing to see that all those people that called themselves friends walked away so easily especially when he needed them the most. I guess I am no better but I did go back and have been back in between the years to check on him but last time I saw him he had married again. It was some of the greatest times of my life and I guess I can say I miss it, although today he gave me a ton of pictures of me naked or passed out on the couch at about 20 that I do not even remember being taken but that is another story. I don't think I miss pics being taken while I am passed out in a chair though.
Now getting to my point here, how can so many people call themselves friends and just all of a sudden stop. He has done so much for so many people and it breaks my heart to think that now that he has just a few difficulties, they bailed on him. Even the bartender today was a bit of a bitch to him because it took him a minute for him to get his words out, it was like she had no time for him. I know he can be a drunken pain in the ass, trust me I lived with him as friends for about 5 years. We were never involved sexually, that I know of, I dated his friend Gator (don't ya just love the nicknames?). How can some people be so damned cold to someone who has done so much for so many without a thought to himself of cost or anything? He is truly just a lost soul now, it sucks to see him this way but at least fate left him his life. I would just like to know where the hell all the people went? Where did all of his friends go that had always said "brothers for life"? Better yet, why was it so easy for them to walk away??? What made his life go so wrong and mine go so different? Why was I the lucky one?
You know who a.k.a littlewicke February 14, 2007 08:42 PM PST Thanks for your visit loz, appreciate the compliment. I figure my past makes for good writing! *wink Now my current? Thats a whole different ballgame!
loz February 14, 2007 07:53 PM PST hey, I've been here before... I like your writings. so yes, at least I know I have read your words a few times :). thanks for your visit to mine.
choices... the answer to your question. we get where we are in life by our choices, and some of us are just lucky enough that we've made some of the right choices (for us), while others have made poor choices for themselves. there but for the grace of [whatever] go I, really. easy to take the wrong fork in the road when presented with them, I'm sure.
I'll come back here too - I read the first two parts of 'The Dark Man' on a previous visit so am waiting for the next part :).
