If you tend to be offended easily or happen to be under the age of 18, leave now. If you are offended by my words or the content of my page then I suggest that you simply do not read it and find someone else's world to peek into. Have a nice day!!
"No brake should be applied to passion ; when the appetites speak, they must be heard."
Marquis DeSade
littlewicked March 13th 1967 (Age 42) Female Nebraska
I am a 41 year old female, of average appearance I believe. I have a pretty open mind about most things and try to do my best to constantly further my knowledge about everything I can, including myself.
I find myself alone at this point in my life raising a son by myself, but believe it is better this way for him and when he is 18, my life will begin again. I do date rarely but my romantic life does not cross with my son's life, which means my boy will never meet the "boyfriends on parade" when they come about.
I prefer the kink side when it comes to my romantic life, I do not enjoy vanilla life as it were. I was married for 11 years, it did not end nicely but needed to end. Now I have learned to adore life in the simplest ways. I love the tactile sensations involved in kink, the discussion of options and knowing I have pleased the One I wish to be with.
I have had a few men in my life but only 2 really ring true in my heart. One was my first true love but lost track of later in life. The other I still speak to once in awhile and still find Him to be the most erotic and delicious Man I have ever met. Physically we were not together long, but in that time I learned more about myself that I ever had in life and I owe that all to Him. I learned that beauty is not in our eyes as women when we look upon ourselves in a mirror, it is reflected in the eyes of those who look upon us and express their pleasure. He probably does not even know I hold Him in such high regard but that is okay as He has His own life now. I can honestly thank Him for realizing what true love really is.
I hope to find more to do in my life and enjoy many normal things like riding on the back of a Harley wrapped around the strong back of a man clad in leather, going on a nice weekend Poker Run, the wind rushing thru my hair, playing a good game of pool or darts with a few good friends, and hitting the river boating in the heat with a few beers and buddies. I guess I am more of a tomboy, but do like to dress up once in awhile if given the chance. I have been called a strong woman before, but if truth be told i prefer to sit at the feet of a Dominant Man, to me there is no better place in the world. To feel his fingers in my hair as i lay my head on his thigh, it makes my world perfect.
All in all, I think I try to better myself at any chance, and further my knowledge on myself and life. I am more spiritual than religious and try to help others when I can. I figure if I can do well in this life and leave a good memory in others hearts I have done okay.
The true woman hidden deep inside of me that i allow so few see
"... remember Machiavelli, according to whom it were better to be impetuous than circumspect, because Nature is a woman to be mastered only by Him who goes to her whip in hand."
~ Marquis De Sade~
This is the woman that protects the submissive one within against society's judgement
"Lust's passion will be served ; it demands, it militates, it tyrranizes, it must therefore be appeased, and to its satisfaction all other conditions are totally irrelevant."
~Marquis De Sade~
"Certain souls seem hard because they are capable of strong feelings, and they sometimes go to rather extreme lengths; their apparent unconcern and cruelty are but ways, known only to themselves, of feeling more strongly than others."
~MDS~
"I have supported my deviations with reasons; I did not stop at mere doubt; I have vanquished, I have uprooted, I have destroyed everything in my heart that might have interfered with my pleasure."
~MDS~
Lately my life has been hectic, very hectic and I have had cause to look back to see how I got to be where I am right now. I wonder what was going thru my head when I invited this person into my life and will we work out like I hope we will. We have already hit some bumps in the road and I believe my biggest frustration right now is I cannot "read" him as I wish to be able to. I cannot figrue out what he wishes for nor needs and does not know how to voice these to me yet. I know things never fall into place immediately and maybe I am hoping for too much way too soon, but truly wish to know if this person can take me to where I need to go.
We have already found out I can drive him over his own edge per se into subspace and for once in my life I topped someone without seeing them as less of a man and managed to do it without beating the living shit out of him...LMAO. As One very important person in my past told me once, He said I could make a very good top, at that time I was more afraid to believe it trying to imagine myself as good as He, who had topped me. I saw myself as no where near His level of experience or knowledge, but now? I think I may just be able to do this but still have so much to learn and feel my skills will never reach anywhere near the true Dom I treasure so much in my heart and soul.
I have no problem topping him(the toy), yet he (the current "toy") seems almost "afraid" of my limits. For example, I have a pair of clover clamps I simply adore, I put one on him and saw in his eyes at that minute he could not handle both. I believe I am his first true outlet so I think he only needs time to figure out his limits, yet asking him to cut me, or pierce me.... he finds reasons not to go there saying my want or needs are far past his own and he fears "hurting" me. I WANT HIM TO BE ABLE TO HURT ME!!!!!!! I have to give him credit because he has attempted, yet his fear of hurting me holds him back from actually laying my soul bare as only one other has been able to in my entire life. He does not seem to understand my own need to be pushed past the "pain" I deal with on an everyday basis. With all of my frustration building on a daily basis I am afraid my head will explode. His needs are being met and he adores me, yet I feel as if mine are not being even addressed and have attempted to speak of this and then I get that "look". *sighs* We even hit a local new tattoo shop here and he told me he would get me a tattoo for my birthday, but the look on his face when I said where I wanted it? It seemed a bit jealous of the situation since I would be straddling a chair bottomless for the artist to tattoo my ass and hips.
Will I ever find another Dom to take me to the heights of passion and understand my needs? Or am I damned to finish out this life "serving others" as I seem to have done in my life, my home, my marriage and now this??? Can I actually "teach" this one to take me where I need to go and get him past his own fears??? I do so enjoy him and think we are very good together, yet honestly? I need a damn good ass beating right about now, maybe a cutting to push my head over the edge? Do not get me wrong the orgasms I get from other things we do are wicked yummie, but I want my pain, oh gawd help me I NEED my pain...... it would be so nice to just jet off to an old friend, knock on his door, say "please beat me" and come home happy, but that is not right nor is it conducive to this relationship blooming into its full potential....just shoot me!!!!!! ARGGGHHH!!!! Where is my magic ANSWER BOOK when I need it???
loz April 18, 2007 12:22 PM PDT hello! sounds like things are interesting, to say the least. I think 'time' is called for... give it some time, see how it develops. I hope he actually can be 'taught' to please you, as you most desire. at very least, you can enjoy all that yummy sex ;).
my own life is about to get 'interesting' again (for a short while, at least), so here's to a great 'spring' for all! (finally springing, phew - and the weather ain't half bad either!).
