If you tend to be offended easily or happen to be under the age of 18, leave now. If you are offended by my words or the content of my page then I suggest that you simply do not read it and find someone else's world to peek into. Have a nice day!!
"No brake should be applied to passion ; when the appetites speak, they must be heard."
Marquis DeSade
littlewicked March 13th 1967 (Age 42) Female Nebraska
I am a 41 year old female, of average appearance I believe. I have a pretty open mind about most things and try to do my best to constantly further my knowledge about everything I can, including myself.
I find myself alone at this point in my life raising a son by myself, but believe it is better this way for him and when he is 18, my life will begin again. I do date rarely but my romantic life does not cross with my son's life, which means my boy will never meet the "boyfriends on parade" when they come about.
I prefer the kink side when it comes to my romantic life, I do not enjoy vanilla life as it were. I was married for 11 years, it did not end nicely but needed to end. Now I have learned to adore life in the simplest ways. I love the tactile sensations involved in kink, the discussion of options and knowing I have pleased the One I wish to be with.
I have had a few men in my life but only 2 really ring true in my heart. One was my first true love but lost track of later in life. The other I still speak to once in awhile and still find Him to be the most erotic and delicious Man I have ever met. Physically we were not together long, but in that time I learned more about myself that I ever had in life and I owe that all to Him. I learned that beauty is not in our eyes as women when we look upon ourselves in a mirror, it is reflected in the eyes of those who look upon us and express their pleasure. He probably does not even know I hold Him in such high regard but that is okay as He has His own life now. I can honestly thank Him for realizing what true love really is.
I hope to find more to do in my life and enjoy many normal things like riding on the back of a Harley wrapped around the strong back of a man clad in leather, going on a nice weekend Poker Run, the wind rushing thru my hair, playing a good game of pool or darts with a few good friends, and hitting the river boating in the heat with a few beers and buddies. I guess I am more of a tomboy, but do like to dress up once in awhile if given the chance. I have been called a strong woman before, but if truth be told i prefer to sit at the feet of a Dominant Man, to me there is no better place in the world. To feel his fingers in my hair as i lay my head on his thigh, it makes my world perfect.
All in all, I think I try to better myself at any chance, and further my knowledge on myself and life. I am more spiritual than religious and try to help others when I can. I figure if I can do well in this life and leave a good memory in others hearts I have done okay.
The true woman hidden deep inside of me that i allow so few see
"... remember Machiavelli, according to whom it were better to be impetuous than circumspect, because Nature is a woman to be mastered only by Him who goes to her whip in hand."
~ Marquis De Sade~
This is the woman that protects the submissive one within against society's judgement
"Lust's passion will be served ; it demands, it militates, it tyrranizes, it must therefore be appeased, and to its satisfaction all other conditions are totally irrelevant."
~Marquis De Sade~
"Certain souls seem hard because they are capable of strong feelings, and they sometimes go to rather extreme lengths; their apparent unconcern and cruelty are but ways, known only to themselves, of feeling more strongly than others."
~MDS~
"I have supported my deviations with reasons; I did not stop at mere doubt; I have vanquished, I have uprooted, I have destroyed everything in my heart that might have interfered with my pleasure."
~MDS~
This entry has been edited for obvious reasons, at least to me. The person and relationship in question turned out to be a great big joke on me. Yippie, he got to play with "the freak". It was a life lesson to say the least, a very long drawn out expensive life lesson I will not soon forget. I would like to be the cold hearted strong bitch and say things like "May he rot", but of course anyone that truly knows me knows I cannot do that. He walked away so easily and quickly without any feeling I am still trying to understand WTF happened, but I guess it dosen't really matter does it? He got what he wanted and I was just left.... I do not like the fact I am haunted by memories, scents of him, things I cannot seem to let go of him in my heart, oh if only he would only show me the way to be so easily removed. Me on the other hand? Lets just say it hurts my heart to even breathe, I break into tears at the oddest times and feel as if someone has crushed my very soul....but hey....shit happens right? I guess I will never know what it is like to trust or love anyone ever again. I am too old for this shit and am frankly tired of being the neat "carnival ride" for these straight people who claim to know me. I am done. This blog is now my project to keep my mind ripe and get back to the beginnings of it. My writings, my words and my life....only from here on out it will be alone...and I am okay with that. I fell too deep, deeper than I ever have fallen into someone, someone who did not actually care about me and became lost from myself. I loved so purely, so completely and trusted undoubtedly and became a joke in every fashion of the word to this person, I would have rather he cut my throat, watched me bleed out and be done with it... It feels as if there is not much left....of me.
littlewicked September 27, 2007 09:43 PM PDT enough beer and xanax and everything gets "smooth"....lmao
loz September 27, 2007 08:27 PM PDT that really sucks, that he lied to your boy even. I know it's hard to keep some things separated in a relationship as such, but there's just no excuse for playing with a young one's mind.
you & me both, digging out financially... but in my case I did it to myself. good luck, I hope things settle & smooth soon.
l.
x
littlewicked September 26, 2007 07:59 PM PDT ty loz, i appreciate it. More mad at myself, promised after my husband and i split when my son was 6 i would never move anyone into "our" house....and i did. Now my 14 is less than pleased with me because i think on a certain level he really liked the guy and the guy even lied to him. Just getting myself out of my financial hole.
writing will help, yes, and help you get back to 'you'. I hope you don't stick to the 'alone & never trusting/loving again' though. no one deserves *that* kind of power over you, no matter what. but then, I suspect you're a survivor beneath the hurt.
