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"No brake should be applied to passion ; when the appetites speak, they must be heard."
Marquis DeSade
littlewicked March 13th 1967 (Age 42) Female Nebraska
I am a 41 year old female, of average appearance I believe. I have a pretty open mind about most things and try to do my best to constantly further my knowledge about everything I can, including myself.
I find myself alone at this point in my life raising a son by myself, but believe it is better this way for him and when he is 18, my life will begin again. I do date rarely but my romantic life does not cross with my son's life, which means my boy will never meet the "boyfriends on parade" when they come about.
I prefer the kink side when it comes to my romantic life, I do not enjoy vanilla life as it were. I was married for 11 years, it did not end nicely but needed to end. Now I have learned to adore life in the simplest ways. I love the tactile sensations involved in kink, the discussion of options and knowing I have pleased the One I wish to be with.
I have had a few men in my life but only 2 really ring true in my heart. One was my first true love but lost track of later in life. The other I still speak to once in awhile and still find Him to be the most erotic and delicious Man I have ever met. Physically we were not together long, but in that time I learned more about myself that I ever had in life and I owe that all to Him. I learned that beauty is not in our eyes as women when we look upon ourselves in a mirror, it is reflected in the eyes of those who look upon us and express their pleasure. He probably does not even know I hold Him in such high regard but that is okay as He has His own life now. I can honestly thank Him for realizing what true love really is.
I hope to find more to do in my life and enjoy many normal things like riding on the back of a Harley wrapped around the strong back of a man clad in leather, going on a nice weekend Poker Run, the wind rushing thru my hair, playing a good game of pool or darts with a few good friends, and hitting the river boating in the heat with a few beers and buddies. I guess I am more of a tomboy, but do like to dress up once in awhile if given the chance. I have been called a strong woman before, but if truth be told i prefer to sit at the feet of a Dominant Man, to me there is no better place in the world. To feel his fingers in my hair as i lay my head on his thigh, it makes my world perfect.
All in all, I think I try to better myself at any chance, and further my knowledge on myself and life. I am more spiritual than religious and try to help others when I can. I figure if I can do well in this life and leave a good memory in others hearts I have done okay.
The true woman hidden deep inside of me that i allow so few see
"... remember Machiavelli, according to whom it were better to be impetuous than circumspect, because Nature is a woman to be mastered only by Him who goes to her whip in hand."
~ Marquis De Sade~
This is the woman that protects the submissive one within against society's judgement
"Lust's passion will be served ; it demands, it militates, it tyrranizes, it must therefore be appeased, and to its satisfaction all other conditions are totally irrelevant."
~Marquis De Sade~
"Certain souls seem hard because they are capable of strong feelings, and they sometimes go to rather extreme lengths; their apparent unconcern and cruelty are but ways, known only to themselves, of feeling more strongly than others."
~MDS~
"I have supported my deviations with reasons; I did not stop at mere doubt; I have vanquished, I have uprooted, I have destroyed everything in my heart that might have interfered with my pleasure."
~MDS~
I have a tendancy to over analyze things to say the least and began to ponder these odd thoughts in my head. I am trying to define my exact place in this delicious world of mine and frankly I am having a hard time truly defining what I am. I enjoy so many things I began to question myself as to what was more important to me, what enticed me more, what made my spurs rattle as it were and at this point I cannot decide these answers for myself. The questions I have come up with so far which I believe will help me find my way much easier than what I have done thus far, are as follows. Try and answer some of these yourself and if you so choose to share your answers that would be much appreciated as well.
1: Which feeling do you adore more, the anticipation of what is to come when you are bound and blindfolded, hearing the metal and toys clink together and your rapid breath along with footsteps approaching you unsure of what is to befall you at any moment? Or....do you prefer the feeling of control when your pet or other such treat is tethered nice and taunt infront of you, their body shaking from a simple breath across their tender unmarked flesh watching them shake with the apprehension of fear as they hear you approach and all you can do is smile with joy at this trust laid bare before you?????
2: Do you enjoy the feeling of the lash or blade kissing your sweat covered body as your head is in a fog from the excitation of what has transpired from One who has gifted you so well with what they know you adore? Or....Do you enjoy the veiw as the pet you have tethered before you is still amass with shudders of aftershocks as a gleam of sweat covers their skin, the marks shining bright and red that you have given and their sweet eyes clouded with a smile as they whisper thanks for such gifts you have bestowed?
3: Do you prefer to take pride in the dedicated service you choose to endow on the One you adore and admire so much, reveling in the simple smile that lets you know you have done well and hopefully will be paid in satiated desires met and gasps of heated breath as you kiss the foot of your chosen One in thanks for all the needs they have chosen to fulfill and reward you with? Or.........Do you prefer to take pride in the tasty lines of swollen angry flesh and slight trickles of blood from your lash or crop that you may have lapped from the skin, the heated hand prints you have laid upon a willing ass cheek, and the depth of talent that you may wield a blade or even a simple flick of the tongue in the right place at the right time making their body shudder of its own accord, all things you have been begged for in the start and multiple thanks given thru gasps as they attempt to swallow once again feeling their mind full blown wide open and drifting?
Being that I can understand both sides of this coin it is hard to place a "name" as it were to what position that I do hold at times in different relationships. I may find myself extremely driven to Top a Man deliciously with each little trick of mine helping to push his passions over the edge as I watch his senses begin to heighten and his hunger multiply right before my eyes, at times it even seems as if I wish to gift some with the desires that I may have on my submissive side as in trying things i enjoy on them. This can also backfire on me at times since I am one for extremes and there are times my desires have overridden my minds basic instinct to preserve myself in tact as it were. I have also attempted to show some my favorite things and was greeted with a fear in the eyes that I deeply regret now not previously knowing that the one laid before me may have a serious aversion to needles or for that matter have a fear of knives. I guess sometimes I just don't think and assume that since I am so far past the norm maybe there is a hope in me somewhere I may one day find a playmate I could honestly switch with. There have been times I have chosen for the right feelings to sub to certain yet very very few and wanted nothing more than to feel their fingers run thru my hair as a way for them to let me know I have done good in their eyes as I nuzzle my face against the inside of a thigh enjoying my place at their feet. I can also find great joy in being allowed to sit at ones feet but it must be a certain type of man for I rarely sit at anyones feet. I have not run into more than maybe three in my whole lifetime yet I do hope to find more but for now? I am quite content to watch the world thru a paisley hourglass and read about it thru pretty words and simply try and figure out me. This leaves me still in a crux and pondering my two original questions, of course. Where is my place in this decadent world of fun and am I more Top than bottom??? More submissive than Dominant? These are quite difficult questions to answer for me and I do hope to find at least one answer out of two, that would at least be fifty fifty. So where do you fit in this world?????
littlewicked May 2, 2008 11:01 PM PDT Funny you say that Loz, because I truly never saw myself on the "Top" as it were before either, until I met someone who was far more subbie than me. The reactions that came from my simplest of actions, like physically showing them how I enjoyed to be tied? Well that was the fuel for the fire shall we say. I have found that more Men than you may know, especially in "power" positions, tend to love letting go and being "had" by a woman, they become extremely 'giving' if you know what I mean. Far more giving than a usual coupling would bring about. They become greateful, yeah thats the word....lol. Now I just play things by ear to see which way I am going to go. Maybe I have crossed a river of sorts in my path, who knows?
loz May 2, 2008 10:11 AM PDT I'm a bit late, but here I am now :).
I always think it must be rather confusing, to have the two 'opposite' kind of desires in one person. maybe that's just me since I'm not bi-directional (haha) in this way at all, but can't say I mind. I find it's hard enough to figure out *one* area, much less two. well, in my mind, at least. I suppose, though, that one might look at it from the opposite point of view as well: twice as much fun to be had? ;). heh. in any case, you definitely won't ever find me on the top side.
