Have you ever just sat in silence thinking of that One that made your toes curl? Sexually there have been a few, gimme a break I am pushin' the big 40, but only a few have actually understood me. Those are the ones that seemed to know what you wanted without you speaking and when you beg for them to stop pushing you to the brink, they are the ones that know you need to go just a bit farther. I miss those men that you could hook up with already knowing each other simply for the acts of whatever came to mind, usually being wickedly nasty fuckfests and trying anything you could think of, then lay there in the delicious aftermath in front of the roaring fire, light a cigarette and discuss the next meeting. There were no demands placed on each other, no jealousies, simply pure enjoyment of each other and nothing else. Now wouldn't it just be great if they could be "on call"?

   Today is one of those days I would love to be "fed" and treasured, and loved... even if just for a few hours, no commitment, no regrets, just simply a playmate to come and satiate my carnal desires and allow me to satiate theirs. I can honestly say that I do miss a good "fuck-buddy" as it were.  When I was younger I was a totally different creature, more free and confident to where a girlfriend and myself could hit the local bike bar "Excalibur" (yes that really was the name) dressed in a leather miniskirt and leather bustier, with seamed lace stockings held up by garters and 6" stilettos (still my favorite). It was so sweet to make such an entrance and then begin the night's games of "sport-fucking". I don't know what you called it, but for us that was the cleanest term I could think of. Walking into this huge bar, I would slam at least 3 shots of Cuervo back to back with a few "whatever" pills (yes I am aware "drugs are bad") and lean against the bar scoping out the munchies for the night. From then on we would make our choices and begin the nasty body language to win the bet. The bets were simple, whoever got their "munchie" to come ask them if they would like a drink won...a drink. There were few rules, you just could not go straight up and ask them to buy you one, you had to make them ask without them realizing you were coercing them into it.

   Since I play a wicked game of pool and have since I caught the grandfather clause in Iowa and got to drink at 19 (god bless Iowa), that was always a good ruse to lure them in. It was all like a huge chess game to me, just a bit more challenging since these pieces thought for themselves.... or at least some did if you didn't befuddle their head. From there on I can remember so many raunchy things we did to attract then even closer like a fly to the spiders lair.  One time I even remember betting our panties for the win, and the loser...which was me because I threw the game, had to take them off standing right there in the bar and give them to the "munchie" picked out for the night.

   Now I sit here at times and wonder what happened to that courage I had, where did the delicious courage go, and better yet why does it seem to fade over time? There are times now, with a few shots in me, that I will state the facts as I see them to men I simply want. In telling them though, now there is a bit of apprehension since over the 20-some years I have been shot down once or twice because I spooked the guy or simply that he was not interested. I am not a whore, by far here, but do believe that women can also be the aggressive one if they so choose. My only problem now is that I am no longer the 20 year old hard body, now I have had a child and surgery on my belly, and don't seem to have that confidence anymore in my own body. I always seem to be afraid they will comment on the butcher job I think the Doc did on my stomach, or maybe my tits aren't where they used to be or simply I am just not 20 anymore. Now I seem to get the young boys with tons of curiosity about my way of life and think that all of a sudden I have become the "teacher" and I am more than happy to oblige them, they seem to be blown away when I explain that my name is NOT Mrs. Robinson and I choose to feel the touch of a grown man that has "already driven the car", not a boy who is still grinding thru the gears. I am more than willing to help them out or answer questions but feel twisted when I even debate that option with myself of taking "a child".  Please understand I am not perfect and have had a few young-uns in my eyes and they are tasty delicious treats...like triscuts, but they happen to become over-enamored easier and then I feel bad. I can make myself feel bad enough, I don't need any help!!

   Where have all the good "fuck-buddies" gone? I simply refuse to believe that I am the only female out here that wishes for pure sex, someone to come fuck me, suck me, thrill me, feed me and go the fuck home. Do not misconstrue that for anything like a phobia of relationships or anything, I just have enough shit going on right now in my life to add another stress factor. Call me crazy, as many do, but I believe that we are no better than animals in nature and that we all have simple necessities and requirements for a happy and healthy mind and being. The necessities are the same for any other mammal out there as far as I know and they are air, food, water, and procreation (sex, getting laid, bangin heads, knockin boots, whatever the fuck you call it.) Can I actually be the one and only weird person that happens to believe this? Or does this simply mean that I have officially become that old weird fat broad that is disgustingly horney all the time? Should I be taken out to pasture and shot? If this barren streak runs on much further I may have to ask someone to do just that.